Everyone keeps asking what’s wrong with me,
and I can’t say “It’s these wounds in my body that he gave to me.”
Will anyone understand? No one can give me comfort except the One who already is. I can’t talk much today. I can’t hide my pain or sorrow, not anymore.
Truely I wish and hope you would follow Him,
and truely, I wish you would show me love.
I want to feel it, badly.
I find myself repeating “I’m okay” as I am crying to myself heavily but quietly.
It calms me down, a lot. This is the first time I knotice this: I say this at other times and do not believe it, but haven’t ever questiond it when applied this thing. I’m alone, lonely, and want to be cared for.
I comfrot myself, wishing someone would care for me and comfort me.
I can understand that I need counciling for this now.
I grew up taking care of my younger siblings, and was isolated and outcasted as a child during school. I thought I had come to terms with this and accepted it. Deep down telling myself “I’m okay”. That is probably why it came out and has in the past, verbally, in the context similar to that found in my childhood. I have no friends now. and feel okay about it. I am alone, no one understands me, I try to explain myself but no one gets it. I am alone. I have no one to care about or for me, just as my father and mother did not care for me, as in take care of, or supply any form of support. I didn’t have friends to lean on. No one liked me. I can’t express my deep hurts. I need help. I am so sad and this relationship brings back all those painful feelings. I hate this. I hate it. make it stop. Please?
I can’t stop crying. I want someone to hold me, and protect me, and care for me, in every way. I want to know I matter. I need to know if I am supposed to be here. I have no porous. I’m alone. I’m so alone, it hurts.
I am in a constant pain.
Not one that I live day by day.
One that I live second by second.
I feel it as I walk, as I breathe, as I am in class, as I walk in work, as I laugh with co-workers, family, and acquaintances.
It’s worse when I see you, or feel your touch, and when I hear your voice.
This is true pain.
One I feel right to the point I fall asleep,
sometimes even in my dreams,
and exactly as I wake up, all through every second of the day.
I swear I shall never escape it.
It is not a fleeting thing.
It doesn’t leave as time rushes by.
It has it’s permanence. It’s home is within each cell of my being. I can’t escape it. I truly mean every word of this. I was hesitant to post this. But this is true.
You don’t know my pain, and only few others do.
I feel lost, alone, and trapped all at the same time, as the pain rushes through my bloodstream to every inch of my body to cover my soul in sorrow. You do not understand. And my sorrow is indescribable. I cannot give you a taste, only a faint smell you think you know the dish the smell belongs to. That is all I have to offer, and you offer nothing in return. not even basic comfort.